I was using condom and foam. The condom slipped off. My boyfriend said we weren't ready for a baby even though we had been talking about marriage previously. I called Planned Parenthood. The abortion killing of my baby was done in a NY clinic. I was afraid of being abandoned by my boyfriend and having to raise 2 children as a single parent (disabled). Our engagement ended violently after the abortion.
Horrible! Painful! Humiliating! I feel lied to and cheated out of my baby! I can only feel that my boundaries were violated…It felt like RAPE! Rape by a hypocrite professional sworn to the Hypocrite Oath. They never told me I might experience a psychological breakdown.
I have been a feminist for 18 years. The abortion I feel was the singularly most evil thing I have ever done. Yet I feel duped. I am enraged at Planned Parenthood and NOW etc. I bought the Pro-Choice rhetoric (I felt choice was important.) Yet I always felt I would never have an abortion. I am angry now that I had that choice. I would have preferred to do what God intended me to do with my body - be a woman!
I named my baby and asked his forgiveness. Gone to confession with my priest. Had a little funeral service on my own. Wrote a poem. Cried and sobbed my heart out to Jesus. Now I openly talk about my abortion with others. I do not want to be gagged by my shame. I am active in the Pro-Life movement. My daughter and I did a science project on the growing fetus. I receive counseling and prayer with a Christian Catholic counselor.
I am a secondary virgin. I will never, ever again have sex outside of marriage. I suffer from extremely severe PMS and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of the abortion. I am investigating the possibility of suing Planned Parenthood. The one child I do have has changed my life from one of wild self-destruction to purpose and love. I feel the anguish of the loss of my gift from God. I know now God would have provided.
I understand that there is a connection between abortions and miscarriages…with each abortion the possibility of miscarriage increases. I believe I understand why this happens: In my case, I understand it as follows. I have horrible PMS in the two years since my abortion. From working with a gynecologist and an allergist and reading the literature on miscarriage and PMS, this is what I have discovered about my PMS. The connection is that I have an allergy to my own hormone! That is, when I ovulate and then become premenstrual my immune system starts attacking my own body. This is very real! I get very sick! I know that some Ob/Gyns believe miscarriages can be because of being allergic to ones own hormones. An abortion is such a horribly unnatural procedure that I think the body goes into shock - being left with all the hormones of pregnancy the immune system could very well be triggered by the alarm of the invasion. After all, a natural miscarriage can take anywhere from 1-3 weeks for the mothers body to gently change hormonal systems and expel a dead fetus. Please do not forget this important connection when you move from gathering data into research!
Printed with permission from Priests for Life.
