Catholic & Single Is praying for a spouse realistic?

Oct 27, 2010

The readings for Sunday Mass this past week bring out essential truths about how God works in our lives when it comes to prayer. Those truths are: God waits for our prayers, hears our prayers, and acts on our prayers. We have to pray if God is to act. God’s action is our lives is the philosophical principle of causality. If you pray to God, then He will act.

Prayer is simply conversation with God. It is a dialogue. We use words or we have movements of our heart that speak to God. God speaks to us through people and events of everyday life. His speech is in the peace of our heart and soul.

The Mass readings show us effective prayer and God’s actions. The Exodus reading shows how God would act on behalf of Joshua’s fight on the condition of the prayer (the intercession) of Moses, who must keep his hands raised at all times.

The reading from the Gospel of St. Luke has Jesus speaking about a dishonest judge who finally gives into the widow who sought justice. The widow persevered, not stopping her petition until the judge would give her justice on the matter. We do not know what exactly she wants justice about. We are only given the fact that the woman had a legitimate right to have justice. Jesus then says how much more God will secure the rights of His chosen ones.

Do we have the kind of confidence in prayer that this widow had? Do we have her perseverance? Do we really (and I mean really) believe that our prayers will cause God to act on our behalf?

Single persons hoping to get married should pay close attention to these readings. I know for a fact that many single people are praying to God for a good spouse. Those who are not, should be. God must be involved in the process, since He is the author of authentic love. Those who are longing to be married and do pray for it are earnestly asking God to bring them the one who they are to marry.

Yet, these prayers seem to go unanswered for some. Despite their desire to be married, and after the expectation of timing for getting married has passed, they still find themselves unmarried. They ask things like, “What am I doing wrong,” “Why does it happen for others but not for me,” “Why won’t God answer my prayer?”

These are legitimate and natural questions. We try to comfort these questions with a general “Trust in God” comment to those who are struggling. It’s good advice, but typically not comforting to hear. They want to get married and they want to know why God is not making it happen.

I empathize with those who want to be married. And I find it is very difficult to find anything comforting to say. But there is one thing that one must be very careful of, and that is frustration.

Frustration is sign of fallen trust. We don’t want to admit this, but it is true. When we get frustrated, we start to commit to the direction of anger and resentment that slowly develops, often unnoticed. This is the direction that says, “It is not going MY way.” We want to control our own destiny. We feel we have a right to have things go as planned.

Frustration, anger, and resentment take away our peace and strip us of focus on God. When we lose these and our joy in serving Him, we are no longer in condition to be child-like and allow God to be our Father.

When frustrations of any kind emerge, in humility you must declare that you do not trust in God as you should. You should speak to God in that very moment saying, “Lord, help me.” Ask for peace and acceptance. If we don’t maintain child-like trust, confidence, and dependence on God as Father, He cannot (by our own choice) be the Father He desires to be.

That is the precise point of prayer. Prayer displays a child-like humility, and God responds to that. The greater the faith behind the prayer, the more efficacious God’s response can be. Prayer offered that does not have much expectation behind it does not show God that He should answer the prayer. Why should He? If you don’t really believe, then answering the prayer as you want is not in your best interest. Jesus taught us that our faith is the critical ingredient. Trust in God is an act of faith.

Perhaps what single people are doing wrong is giving up. Sure, they keep praying. But is it just token prayer to God because they know they should pray, but don’t really want to anymore? Or maybe, God forbid, they have stopped praying because they feel they have prayed enough. They decide God must not want them to be married, or that it will happen in God’s time despite any further prayer.

Or perhaps they are not praying for the right things. Prayer for a spouse should include asking for all those called to marriage to have the courage to act on it, lest their free will decision to not act affect the lives of others whom they were supposed to marry and have children with. It should include visits to the Blessed Sacrament begging Jesus to help them heal from their own issues so as not to bring unhealthy issues into their relationships. Most of all, it should include asking for perseverance in prayer and an increase of faith.

But there is one more thing that is key, and that is living a child-like faith and a clean life. If we are living life in a way that is not in accordance with God’s Will, then we must not expect to have the prayer answered. Once you are focused on your life in Christ, begin to pray like you already know it will happen. It’s just a matter of when. This is the lesson of the widow. It is justice for a good person living a clean life and staying close to God to have their prayer answered.

St. Therese of Lisieux taught us how to remain childlike, expecting all things from God. St. Monica taught us perseverance. It took her 30 years of prayer for her son, St. Augustine, to be converted to the Catholic Faith. I’m sure after 20 years, she could have legitimately said, “Lord, I think that is a sufficient amount of time, don’t you?”

So remember the key to prayer as you pray for a good spouse, or anything in your life. Live your life in accordance with God’s will, actually ask for your request, persevere, and have faith. Live your life as one who is thankful to God and confident He is going to grant your request.

Jesus is clear that under these conditions, God the Father cannot, and will not, deny His own child in justice. Don’t ever get discouraged in prayer. Maintain faith, because we never know what is in God’s plan. God might require a certain amount of time for the same prayer before He will finally act. But He is trying to draw faith out of us.

Be steadfast and don’t lose heart. Keep praying to God for your future spouse with consistency. God will not be outdone in generosity. Keep showing Him your great trust and faith until He is convinced you are ready to receive what you ask for.