Both Oars In The Old Fashioned Way

Jun 4, 2010

In a recent review of an autobiographical book about three women who pass a set of vials containing market procured sperm one to the other, only to have each bear a child naturally, the reviewer concluded, “…voila—three happy families, with all the pregnancies happening the old fashioned way.” Further details revealed in the May 23rd New York Times article titled “The Gift of Donor 8282” recount that not one of the women was married before conceiving their children. Evidently, all that is required to meet the current level of old fashioned is to conceive a child through the normal biological process. That seems like a rather low threshold.

There is a lot more revealed in the article that does not line up with what I would consider old fashioned. The second woman in the series of vial recipients reports to having met her future husband while he was married to another woman. Although she claims to have felt that he was her soul mate from the start, she recognized his marital status was a “hitch”. But, Cinderella number two was not to be left at the ball; we are told the man “extricated himself” from his marriage. This highly nuanced term for divorce begs the question: Why the sugarcoating? Is it to make the overall story more palatable?

In recounting the second woman’s tale, the reviewer also states that, due to the fact that her Prince Charming had escaped his marriage, the second author of three did not need to resort to the vials and passed them along to yet another friend. What does it say about us as a culture when a man’s “genetic material”, as the vials are euphemistically referred to, is game for re-gifting?

If the donor is affronted, I suppose he should have considered the eventuality of ever more undignified transfers before agreeing to reduce his name to 8282 and sending a very precious part of himself out into the world unattended whereby adding yet another entry on the list of how to “spill one’s seed” inappropriately.

If it seems that I am being a bit harsh, please consider that the article also glibly points out that at least one fertility company offers sperm classified primarily by the physical attributes of the donor. This company sorts its inventory by the names of Hollywood heartthrobs the donors allegedly resemble. Even those who support barren couples seeking artificial insemination, which I do not, must still experience an Orwellian flip in the stomach when they read that nugget. Indeed, it is short trip down the slope from seeking fertility solutions to breeding humans for specific traits. 

If that does not raise concern, maybe the fact that, according to the reviewer, nearly 30 percent of those who reach into the cryogenic freezer are single woman will get a gut reaction. We know from a vast array of statistics that is difficult for unintentional single parents to keep their children on track in school and out of harms way. Why do we overlook this when an aging, single friend decides to opt for motherhood by a shortcut? Afterall, in the end, is motherhood about the mother or the child? 

What is subtle, but interesting, is that each of these women, all of whom are guilty of TMI, did eventually find a man with whom to make a family when they settled down and focused on the essential purpose of life, which is life. It is amazing what we can accomplish when we put our priorities in order. For all their self-reported alarming personal choices, their avant-garde story is really an endorsement of a much more traditional message: we should protect our fertility and not take it for granted. Now, that does sound a bit old fashioned.      
 
It is always an emotional challenge to confront the moral issues surrounding someone else’s pursuit of happiness. Many would retort, “Can’t you just be happy for them? Why be such a killjoy?” But, no matter how happy an ending may be, it does not justify the means. Tradition may change, but what is right does not move with fashion. This is true no matter how honorable the pursuit—and there is arguably no more honorable a pursuit than motherhood.

Frankly, it is also a bit scary that today we are making comedies like "The Back-up Plan" out of what used concern us far more. Past movies like "Gattaca" and "The Stepford Wives" suggested a healthy concern for the pitfalls of human beings controlling their fertility. God has given us an amazing partnership in the creation of life; maybe we should be a bit more grateful and little less greedy about taking over the whole business.