Catholic & Single Act Like You Want To Date

May 12, 2010

I want to share with you a note I received from a woman who is struggling to figure out what more she can do to improve her chances of meeting her future husband. I found it to be very insightful and I think many of you could find it useful for your own dating purposes (married purposes, too, for that matter). It applies to men, as well.

"Dear Anthony,

I was at a job fair recently where the speaker addressed the topic of finding a good job, and he mentioned how important self-image is. He said "If you want a job, act like it!"

It struck me very hard and I could not help thinking how this actually applies to my dating experiences. I think when I talk to men, I don't really act like I want the job of girlfriend, because I'm always too afraid. I'm afraid of the rejection and I'm also afraid of what to actually do if things DO work out. Then there's all the getting hurt business.

So, being conscious of this, I tried to be more open to men while attending a dance. It wasn't easy. There was a guy there whom I was attracted to and whom I recognized. He's friends with one of my friends from a singles group I belong to. He seemed to notice me and looked like he was interested in approaching me. However, I was totally paralyzed and didn't smile or talk to him at all. And even with the great excuse I had of his being friends with one of my friends, I did not figure out a way to go talk to him.

I guess I'm sharing all this with you because it's a lot harder than I expected to make changes to yourself even when you KNOW (at least in part) what you need to change. However, I am still hopeful and I am trusting in God, and I expect I will persevere inasmuch as what I want aligns with God's will. I'm realizing that in trying so hard not to come across too eager or desperate I instead act disinterested and aloof and that doesn't help move things along.

So I have learned something important. Now I have to figure out how to implement it. It's hard to communicate interest, without coming across as too eager. This may sound crazy, but I figure I need to get some practice getting rejected and need to learn to expect it. It's funny to think of it this way, but practically speaking, I need to find 10 good prospects and just KNOW I'm going to be rejected eventually by 9, and hopefully one will manage to stick around :-)

Well, I thought you would get a kick out of this. Please keep praying for me.

God bless you."