Catholic & Single Seeking a Traveling Man

May 5, 2010

Dear Anthony,

Are men intimidated by me because I travel so much? I am 50 years old with no kids and don’t intend on just sitting around for the rest of my life. Traveling is important to me, it is a hobby that I very much enjoy and I want to do it for as long as I can. I keep contacting men who say that they like to travel, but have never gone anywhere. Why would a man my age say they enjoy traveling but then not actually travel? What do you think I should do?

This is a very interesting problem you raise. The answer to your problem seems obvious, but I believe there is probably something more to this that we should touch on. What’s obvious is that you not only want to meet a man interested in traveling as you are, but one that has actually done quite a bit of traveling. It is important to you that the man you meet has travel experiences because that is a sign to you that he is cultured and enjoys life. A man who has done no traveling signifies to you that he is likely not interesting enough and perhaps someone who will not enjoy life at the level you like to enjoy life.

Life to you means traveling to see the world. A man who has done no traveling is someone who would hold you down and perhaps take the life out of you. In light of the obvious, by all means, do not waste your time with men who have done no or very little traveling. It is too important to you to continue traveling to different places in your life. If you are communicating with someone who is just saying he would like to travel but does not really plan to do it, nor wants to find someone who will enjoy traveling together as a couple, then kindly end the communication and move on.

There is nothing wrong with you wanting to find a man who loves to travel and has done traveling already, even at your age of 50. Are there men out there who love to travel as you do, and have actually done extensive travel as you have? Of course there are. You are just not meeting them. Why not is another question. Perhaps the type of man who has done traveling tends to not be interested in a woman like yourself. I don't know. But I don’t really believe that. I think there is more to it.

And that brings me to what is not so obvious.

What is not so obvious are several possibilities:

1 – You might give the impression that you are an unsettled woman. Travel is not the issue at all for men. It’s the fact that you have done so much traveling and continue to want that as a priority that perhaps makes them second guess you as a potential spouse. They might be thinking you are the type that has to be constantly going. Despite their interest in finding a woman who likes to travel, they likely don’t want a woman who is obsessed with it, or uses traveling as a gauge to determine if the man is a future husband candidate.

2 – You might give the impression that you are an expensive proposition. Men might be thinking that you have expensive travel taste, and paying for two people to do traveling is much more challenging than paying for one person to travel.

3 - You might give the impression that you are high maintenance. Even men seeking to meet a woman whom he could do traveling with do not want to feel like they MUST do traveling in order that his wife will stay pleased with him and happy.

4 – Maybe many men are just cheap. They might like to talk about things they want to do, but they would never commit to paying for them. Maybe they don’t see the value of spending their money on travel compared to saving it. Life to them is not about spending money, but saving it and saying home. They like to dream rather than do. Spending money on travel would actually disturb them, and they could not enjoy themselves.

5 – Perhaps many men just don’t have the money. The difficult economic climate makes it hard to consider doing anything considered a luxury, such as travel. You feel travel is a necessity for living, and they believe it is a luxury.

The not-so-obvious things imply that perhaps there is something wrong with your attitude when it comes to interacting with men regarding your life. There is the life you have lived up to now, which may be very intimidating to men; and the life you want to live for the future, which might also intimidate them based on your strong sense of how important travel is. We always have to be careful how we present the things that are important to us with others. I know there are very good men out there who have not done the extensive travel you have but would make excellent husbands for someone like you. But ONLY if you have the ability of toning down how important travel is to you. If you can’t do that, then so be it. Your only hope is to find a man that identically shares your enthusiasm for travel and determination to do it for the rest of his life.

However, I think you are going to find it difficult to find a man who wants to travel that much for the future and shares the level of enthusiasm you have. But you do sound like a woman who is exciting to be with, so I hope men will not be easily intimidated by you and see in you a spirit for living that is essential, and which they will consider is a great benefit to helping them stay young themselves. If you have as much love to give to a man as you have for travel, that is one fortunate man whom you say “yes” to for your hand in marriage.

Travel is an absolutely wonderful thing to share together as a couple. It has so many positives towards enhancing you at the individual level, and fostering love at the couple level. I strongly recommend you find a way to round off how you present your love of travel to men by sharing more about what it does to you as a person and how much you long to share it with another. If you only speak narrowly about traveling, it can tend to seem self-indulging. But I think you can be more attractive to a man about travel if you can make the connection between travel and its value to living life and sharing love.

By all means, do not discount a man who has not traveled. They might only be waiting for the right reason to do it. Help them to realize that you are that reason. And that goes for anything that is important to us. The right person will find in you the reason to share what is important to you.