I am 42 years old and still in love with my wife, believe marriage is permanent, and rely on God’s grace to fulfill my duties in marriage and build up the persons entrusted to me by God, even when I don’t feel like doing it. I am well on my way to being ready to meet God when I am dead. And I have marriage to thank for that. I can remember the kind of person I was before I was married, and all the moments in marriage along the way when I was required to renounce certain aspects of that pre-marriage person. Marriage has made me a better person.
I am 42 years old and have so many blessings. Perhaps I have 20 or 30 good years left; who knows? God knows! But I wake up every day knowing exactly what I need to do to fulfill God’s will for me, and that brings me a tremendous peace. If I die today, however, I have done a lot for the marriage vocation I have been called to, and the purposes of marriage that God intended.
I work with many, many single Catholic men and women. Many of them believe they have time for marriage whenever it happens, or are content to wait for God to do something that will move them toward marriage. Men especially seem to be in no real rush, and still trying to figure things out, as if marriage is about having your act totally together before you can take the plunge. That, of course, is nonsense. It is in marriage that things come together, not before. Sadly, many give in to sex before marriage, as if they have a right to enjoy their sexual impulses that are God-given (and they are) while maintaining an excuse for not being married yet (where sexual activity is only permitted by God). It’s hypocrisy to say, “I gave in to weakness and had sex” and then say, “I don’t know if I am ready for marriage” or “I am not sure if this is the right person.” Biblically, the act of intercourse is marriage. But how sad it is that even Catholics do this, while thinking so little of marriage and the right that future spouse has to their spouse’s body and sexuality.
Though many give the outward appearance of being content to wait on the Lord, I know they are not happy. Not really. Yes, they love God and serve Christ and are good Catholics, and thank God there is so much more to eternity than this world can offer. And I guess, in a way, thank God we will be dead soon and have eternal happiness. But it does not have to be that way.
I am convinced that much of the problem of why marriages are not taking place today that should be taking place is because there is not enough meditation on the subject “Remember Death.” Death is coming. It’s coming soon. And what about quality of life even if you are not dead? You get to a certain age when you are still alive, but hardly able to do what you could do when younger. That’s a form of death. But let’s just call it “dying.” We are all slowly but surely dying.
There are wonderful, good, kind, loving Catholic men and women out there who will make good husbands and wives. They won’t be perfect, and they may not knock you off your feet in outward physical beauty (as the world seems to dictate should happen). But don’t be deceived. Marriage is about service. It’s about a calling we have to serve one person and the children that may come. And fulfilling that calling is the easy way to happiness in this life and excelling in growth in holiness. You don’t “need” what you think you need. You don’t “have to have” what you think you have to have. You really need only choose, then love with everything you have. In other words, allow yourself to love someone who is clearly a good and beautiful person. I’m not talking about a loveless relationship. I’m talking about being open to falling in love. So many are closed to perfectly good opportunities due to the triggers they have set up for themselves that need to pulled before they open up. It’s sad.
