Catholic & Single Knights in White Shoes

Apr 27, 2006

I have had a very interesting six months in my research about what men and women want. By shear (and amusing) coincidence, I have had about a dozen women mention guys and (believe it or not) their shoes. Specifically, they have all commented on their negative impression of guys in white tennis shoes when dressed casually or on a date.

Being a guy, I never gave a thought about the effects of shoes on the process of finding a spouse. But as we all well know, first impressions mean a lot, and apparently white tennis shoes leave a poor first impression.

On our most recent Ave Maria Singles cruise to the Caribbean, I brought this up several times to different ladies as we were all socializing.  To one woman I said “I want to ask you something….I have been hearing a lot about guys and shoes lately and…”, then she interrupted me and said “Let me guess…white tennis shoes!”  With bulging eyes I said “Yes, how did you know?”. She laughed loud and proceeded right into her stories about  guys and white tennis shoes.

To another circle of women I said “Tell me something, have any of you ever had a problem dealing with guys and white tennis shoes?” Eyes rolled and laughing began. They, too, quickly started in with their stories. The stories varied but had the same root conclusion; namely, that this is yet another aspect of how men and women different when they are looking for a companion.

I cannot deny there is something for men to learn from this amusing antidote.  Is it that white tennis shoes are evil and should be shunned from society? No!  Certainly not. Even the ladies who shared their stories agreed it is not the shoes themselves.

The main point is that women form first impressions based on different things that men base them on.  For example, women look at a man’s shoes. Why?   The outward presentation is a strong “symbol” to women of what is going on inside. Having white tennis shoes on with casual dress sends a message that he really is not aware that women find the white tennis shoe to represent a sense of being out of touch with the current trends. And if he isn’t paying attention to something as simple as what is on his feet, then would he really know how to be in touch with what women are looking for in today’s men? Thus, the women’s perspective of it.

Does that mean it’s true? No, of course not.  Men do care about themselves and what women are looking for. They just don’t concern themselves with dress codes and coordinating fashion, etc. Guys don’t judge other guys by what they are wearing.  But women judge other women this way. Why?  Because women are “sold” on the concept of non-verbal communication through things like what people wear. Women have the gift of quick intuition.  So they can quickly understand who a person is as a whole just by what is communicated non-verbally on the outside.

I think this is the main point for guys to learn. If you want to win the heart of a woman, don’t let your non-verbal communication distract her from learning more about who you are and what you truly want to say. In other words, be more careful and selective about your outward appearance. It might not matter to you, or other guys, but it definitely matters to women. And since you objective is to find the woman you will marry, you just might be an obstacle to her being initially interested because of you lack of concern for what you wear.

White tennis shoes with casual wear are a toxic combination to women.That is a fact based on my research. It’s not a matter of arguing whether is “should” be that way or whether it really matters. Just accept it and act accordingly.  After all, you do want to get to a second date, don’t you?