Catholic & Single Singles…know thy self

Jan 22, 2008

Too many Catholics are entering into marriage without an adequate knowledge of themselves or what marriage is.  Marriage is about self-donation (the gift of self), which implies having self-knowledge.   

We all have strengths and weaknesses, which need to be identified if we are going have a happy marriage.  Enhancing strengths and overcoming weaknesses through the development of virtues is the daily effort of any quality marriage candidate.  Marriage to a person who is not open to always working on themselves is a foolish decision.

First and foremost, we are all sinners.  This means it is inevitable that we will hurt the ones we love.  It is most certain in a marriage, which makes the virtue of forgiveness critical.  Both persons must be able to forgive and ask forgiveness. 

Forgiveness requires humility (another important virtue in a person who seeks marriage).  When it comes to problems in any relationship, the humble person is very slow to accuse and very quick to self-accuse. The person who is quick to accuse the other for causing the problem sends up a “red flag” about their readiness for marriage. 

Getting to know yourself is a lifetime process, because it is not until we get to heaven that we will know who we truly are.  Our sinful and negative thoughts and actions work to distort our true selves during our life, which is why we need to keep working to overcome them in God’s grace.  So all of us are weak and need God’s help.  For those called to marriage, it is important to remember that you are not marrying an angel, but a person of weakness.  But if that person is strong in conviction to work on themselves and make progress, that makes for a wonderful marriage partner.

Single Catholics should be working on themselves without looking for excuses.  It is too easy to put blame on the opposite sex, society, career, income, the dating websites, etc., as to why you are not married yet.

Become the person you need to be in marriage.  Christ should motivate us to live an authentic spiritual life and improve our character.  Examine your conscience to discover habits, tendencies, inclinations, etc., that need work.  Ask friends and family for their opinion.  Receive more grace through frequent confession and Mass.  Visit the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament.  Constantly standing in the light of Christ fully exposed will help you keep those negative things at the forefront so they can be identified and worked on.

You cannot say, “This is the way I am”.  Being baptized in Christ means you are obliged to be Christ!   Again, this is a life-long process.  The key is that you are determined to do it.  Marriage works when two people are “help mates” to each other on the path to heaven.  And love in marriage is about self-donation.

Seem too difficult?  Don’t think it is possible?  It sure is if your life in Christ is casual, distant, or abstract.  But if Christ is the whole of your life at every moment, nothing is impossible, and you are going to make a wonderful husband or wife, father or mother. 

And by the way, the secret to ultimately knowing your true self is in giving yourself away to others.  The selfless person is another Christ, which is very attractive!