Articles by Anthony Buono
How can I tell when someone is really interested in me?
Nov 19, 2008 / 00:00 amDear Anthony, I'm a member of Ave Maria Singles and have been corresponding regularly with another member, but I'm not sure just how interested he is in me. How can I tell when someone is really interested? That's great that you are having some regular correspondence from someone on the site. Regular correspondence "could" be an indication of serious interest, but you are far from knowing for sure. What you do NOT want to do is allow a man to get away with always writing to you or chatting. Even when you get on the phone with a person, that's nice but it's not the definitive sign of serious interest. The way to know if a man is serious about you, or finding the right woman for that matter, is when he pursues meeting you in person. There are too many men, I'm afraid, who only want to stroke their egos by having someone who is interested in writing to them or talking on the phone, but they have no intention of ever meeting in person. There is no reason that a man should not be discussing meeting a woman in person after a month of regular correspondence. My advice to women is to part ways with any man who seems like all he wants to do is write or talk on the phone. You don't want to waste your time. I'm not sure why men want to waste the time of women, or their own. But one thing is for sure, women cannot allow a man to get away with doing that. Too often they do, and that's because for a woman, it is nice to have a man interested in her and she does not want to lose that. I just got done dealing with a woman who was upset that after one year of writing and phone calls the man she liked so much was still not following through to meet in person. She finally woke up and stopped all contact with him. She never should have let it go on for a year. So that is my advice to you. Enjoy your time getting to know this man, but don't put any serious credence into the relationship until he shows you that he wants to meet in person. If after a month he has not suggested you meet in person, then you do so. If he says that would be good and does not make it happen within a reasonable amount of time (maybe another month), then end it. You don't need a man who can't act on what he wants. In fact, it's sad to say, it is not a woman that a man like that wants. Maybe it's an ego boost he wants, or he just wants to have someone in his life at some level, as long as he does not have to dedicate his life to her. I don't know. But whatever it is, that's not for you.
Fr. Neuhaus: Truth, Marriage and the Church
Nov 16, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Fr. Richard John Neuhaus about how one should view the truths and teachings of the Catholic Church.
Ann Hanincik: Pursuing Your Vocation
Nov 9, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Ann Hanincik about being open to God's call.
Do opposite-sex friendships work in dating?
Nov 5, 2008 / 00:00 amI was speaking recently at a Theology on Tap and the subject of friendship with the opposite sex while dating came up.
Fr. Neuhaus: What It Means to Be Manly
Nov 2, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Fr. Richard John Neuhaus about what it means to be a true manly man.
How can we maintain our long-distance relationship?
Oct 29, 2008 / 00:00 amDear Anthony,I am in a long-distance relationship with someone I met on Ave Maria Singles. After e-mailing and making phone calls, we finally met in person, and we are hopeful about our future. Because of the distance, we won't get to see each other very often, and we're concerned about being able to maintain this relationship. E-mail seems sterile and shallow after a while. Do you have any suggestions?
Ann Hanincik: Making Important Decisions Together
Oct 26, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Ann Hanincik about how couples need to always communicate and be open to whatever God sends them.
Fr. Groeschel: Contentment
Oct 19, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Fr. Benedict Groeschel about how today's culture keeps us from being content.
Is a modest wedding gown essential?
Oct 15, 2008 / 00:00 amDear Anthony, I read your answer to the person asking about wedding gowns. To me, getting caught up with nonessential things like a modest gown is distracting from what is important, which is the sacrament of Matrimony. Why does it matter so much what the bride wears, as long as the couple is receiving the sacrament? A modest wedding gown may be getting harder to find, but I don’t think couples consider the bride’s gown as an "essential" part of the ceremony. I agree that people get too distracted with nonessentials and should focus on the sacrament. But the bride’s wedding gown is a critical component. Granted, saying it is "essential" would not be the right word, but it has high importance, primarily in what it represents. Sacraments have to do with "outward signs" that indicate an inner mystery. "Sign" and "mystery" are the key words. The sacrament of marriage is a tremendous mystery. The mystery of two becoming one; the mystery of sacramental grace uniquely given to the two persons; the mystery of Christ entering the marriage union; the mystery of the bride and groom being a living sign of the mystery of Christ's marriage to His bride, the Church. Then there is the mystery of the bride herself, particularly her body. It's a shame that so many marriages take place between two people who have already exposed much of their bodies to each other, but especially a woman exposing her body to the man. A wedding night is supposed to be an unveiling of the mystery of the woman that has been kept hidden from the man during their time together before marriage. The wedding ceremony is an exchange of rights to each other's body. The wedding night (the time of consummation of the marriage) is meant to be an incredibly profound and unique moment for the two; it is when they unveil their bodies to each other to experience that which is reserved only for two people who have publicly given each other "rights" to the other's body for those purposes unique to marriage and conjugal love. We clothe our bodies every day because we have that sense deep down that we should, and that certain parts are especially sacred and meant for sacred purposes. The continued public display of more and more flesh is an indication that people have lost the sense of shame that Adam and Eve displayed in the Garden of Eden after the fall, which shows us how connected sin and clothing the body are. Therefore, the sense of sin is in direct proportion to exposure of the body. It does seem that society has become "desensitized" to sin. But more than this, people have lost the sense of purpose for their bodies, thus, a loss of the sense of mystery. It has become a focus in many ways. People are leading with their bodies instead of their minds. Self-mastery over the body is not practiced as it should be. In fact, an overindulgence in body worship is prevalent, and leading people to believe that exposing the body has no effect on the way people behave, and is something to be proud of and unashamed to reveal. This downplaying of the purpose of the body, and the disconnection between the body and mystery, has, with no surprise, contributed to sexual promiscuity, and that includes Catholics. Virginity and chastity are not held up as the ideals they should be, and pre-marital sex becomes a norm and (sorry to say) even an expectation. But in fact, the body is a great mystery! A man and a woman should expose as little as possible of their bodies to one another (certainly, at the very least, never exposing those areas meant for genital sexual expression). Why? Because the body IS sacred! Without the body, we cannot know anything about God. Without the body, we cannot get to heaven. Without the body, we cannot properly worship God. Without the body, we cannot co-create human life and propagate the human race. Without the body, we cannot LOVE!!! The body has a purpose. Its purpose is so sacred, it is a mystery. Every person should preserve the mystery of love, which is fundamentally a preserving of the mystery of our bodies. Exposing our bodies before marriage is to prematurely "reveal" the mystery, thus ending the mystery that was meant for the wedding night. There are also the "signs" in a wedding ceremony. The woman's body, being the great mystery that it is, absolutely should be veiled. And to be covered in a white garment makes sense, too. The color "white" is a symbol of purity, primarily purity of intention to give her whole person to this man. A bride traditionally looks so adorned because she is a priceless mystery that is about to be given. The groom is about to accept this mystery with love and noble intentions, and he will accept the gift of her body, giving him the sole and unique "right" to her body for the purposes of love. The bride will have her veil pulled back and her face will be revealed. The groom will later have the awesome privilege of unveiling her entire body and then, as Scripture so beautifully puts it, will "know her". In other words, he will accept the right to her body ONLY for the purposes of having that right; namely, the conjugal act that is meant to make her a mother (thus, the definition of the word "matrimony"). The body of Christ, the Church, is that tremendous mystery in which Christ brings about new life through the womb of his bride, the baptismal font, in the sacrament of Baptism. The womb of the woman has as its primary purpose the receiving of the husband’s gift and the conception and development of new life. The mystery of a woman is a visible sign of the mystery of the Church, the body of Christ. The children born are the incarnation of the great mystery of love between a man and woman. The birth of a person into eternal life through the baptismal font of the Church, Christ's bride, is the great mystery of love between Christ and man. The Incarnation of the Son of God become man is the great mystery of God's love for the human race; that His Son would take a human body and use that body to consummate His marriage to His Church by dying on the Cross. The marriage of a man and a woman is a profound invitation to share in the redemption of the world and participation in the Cross. True love, therefore, is sacrificial and a total self-donation to the other. When you consider the deep mystery of love and marriage, you naturally come to the conclusion that a bride (and women in the wedding party, for that matter) with an exposed body is inappropriate, perhaps even scandalous. But being fully dressed in clothing that lacks the sacramental symbolism is also inappropriate. A marriage ceremony must be given the dignity it deserves. It is right to invest in it and externally represent the sacramental reality. Of course, if finances or some other practical reality prevent making this possible, focus only on the essentials. But don’t underestimate the importance of the gown and the bride’s body being covered. At least wrap something nice around what is still exposed from the gown.
Fr. Groeschel: Promiscuity and the Need for True Repentance
Oct 12, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Fr. Benedict Groeschel about the need for true repentance after living a promiscuous lifestyle.
What happened to traditional wedding gowns?
Oct 8, 2008 / 00:00 amDear Anthony, Is it now acceptable for Catholic brides to wear completely sleeveless and scooped wedding gowns? That's what I've been seeing lately. What's your take? I share your concern regarding this phenomenon of wedding dresses that are sleeveless or scooped. There are two important things to consider: 1) They just don't make dresses like they used to. It is across-the-board "accepted" as the styles for wedding dresses that they be non-traditional, which means less material. For most Catholics who get married, their options are ONLY these modern styles, and they work as hard as they can to find the dress that is most modest, but also classy and elegant. There are definitely places to find more traditional gowns, but many people don't have the forethought to bother (they just accept that these are the available dresses) or the time to research and purchase from somewhere far away. And these traditional dresses are EXPENSIVE! The price is so high because of low demand for them, and they are custom-made. My wife looked into these traditional dresses when we were getting married. We found incredibly beautiful and fully covered dresses, but the price was way out of range. My wife ended up making her own dress with the help of a friend who was a seamstress. 2) The Catholic churches of the U.S. do not have any stipulations about the dresses. Rarely will you find that a priest will take special time to talk about dresses that are appropriate. They certainly will not allow really, really immodest ones, but the sleeveless, scooped, and backless dresses are accepted. They do this because those styles are pretty much all that is available and they don't want to cause unrest and stress for the brides. It is nerve-racking enough to be getting married in the first place, and the priests don't want their focus and peace to be lost or moved off what is most important. I have seen some churches where the priest has a resource guide for brides who want a more traditional approach to their wedding, which includes places to find more modest gowns. But most churches do not make that kind of effort. So for these two reasons, we have to remember to not be quick to judge, and exercise tolerance and understanding. It's a lot of pressure to make wedding plans, and sometimes you have to take what's available. But the concern is still important one. We all have to remember that there are concrete principles of modesty that apply to weddings as well, and extra effort should be made to ensure that a wedding is modest. That means the least amount of flesh exposed as possible. I do pray that the reality is not that people have become indifferent to these things, including when it comes to a wedding day. I was so happy to come across an article about a woman, Tova Marc, who started a business that is supplying modest wedding gowns, seeing that many women want to go back to a more modest wedding. Click here to read it. Her company is called Couture De Bride in Teaneck, NJ. We thank God for people like Tova and businesses like hers. Let's pray wedding dresses (and all dresses for the women in a wedding) get less and less revealing.
Fr. Neuhaus: The Call to Marriage
Oct 5, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Fr. Richard John Neuhaus about the call to marriage, and how God works through this beautiful sacrament.
Ann Hanincik: How High or Low Should Your Expectations Be?
Sep 28, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Ann Hanincik about the problem with setting your expectations too high or too low.
Should I start a friendship with someone waiting for an annulment?
Sep 24, 2008 / 00:00 amDear Anthony,
Fr. Neuhaus: Having the Courage to Decide
Sep 21, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Fr. Richard John Neuhaus about the importance of men being able to make commitments and decisions.
Fr. Neuhaus: What Is Contentment?
Sep 14, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Fr. Richard John Neuhaus about contentment and inner serenity.