Articles by Anthony Buono
Ann Hanincik: Thoughts on the Submissive Wife
Mar 11, 2009 / 00:00 amAnthony interviews Ann Hanincik about St. Paul's statement, "Wives, be submissive to your husbands."
Ann Hanincik: Community for Men
Mar 4, 2009 / 00:00 amAnthony interviews Ann Hanincik about the importance of community for men.
Ann Hanincik: What Women Want from Men
Feb 25, 2009 / 00:00 amAnthony interviews Ann Hanincik about what women want from men.
Observation from olden days of men seeking women
Feb 18, 2009 / 00:00 amI came across this treasure of wisdom from over 250 years ago regarding men and their approach to finding a wife, and thought it was worth sharing with you: Old Batchelor would have a Wife that's wise, Fair, rich, and young, a Maiden for his Bed; Not proud, nor churlish, but of faultless size; A Country Houswife in the City bred. He's a nice Fool, and long in vain hath staid; He should bespeak her, there's none ready made. — Benjamin Franklin, 1733
Do I need to correct all my flaws before I'm ready to marry?
Feb 11, 2009 / 00:00 amDear Anthony, I'm trying to work on correcting all my flaws so that I'll be a worthy spouse for my future husband. Do you think I'm being too idealistic? Putting off marriage until you feel you have your flaws overcome is a mistake. And it is an even bigger mistake to expect that from the person you consider for marriage. It's nice to know what the ideals of marriage are and strive for them, but marriage is a vocation to find your own sanctification in while serving the other person despite what they may do. It's about bringing new life into the world and the mutual love of the spouses. The bringing new life part is not as demanding as the mutual love part. In other words, it is very hard work and takes a lifetime to keep looking out for the best interests of your spouse and to maintain a love for them that is self-sacrificing. But it is these two things that fashion us personally for Heaven through this vocation. But what if it doesn't work out as you hoped or planned? You do your very best to find someone who wants to work on themselves and sees marital love as a giving, not a taking, and then you marry the person, despite all their faults. Everyone has faults and flaws and imperfections. Some never come out until you are in the marriage. So one can never see marriage as a "right" to personal happiness that "must" come from the person you marry. And ultimately, if it is not going as you hoped or planned, you can't just end it and move on. It is for life. Marriage is a challenge of two people trying to live together and compromise, and even to accept what seems to be something "unacceptable." It can be a Calvary in many ways. As I often say, marriage is about hurting each other for a lifetime. So you had better marry someone who knows how to forgive and ask forgiveness, and who believes in God and that there is a Heaven and that their getting to Heaven is dependent upon the decisions they make in this life. True marital love is about seeking the good of the other. Too many people seek to find the person who will make them happy. It's natural. We all want to be happy. But we have to be careful about how serious we are about "being" happy, and how willing we are to invest our lives in making someone else happy. After all, only God can make us happy in the way people seek in another. So happiness in being where God wants us to be and with whom we have chosen to be is more critical. This is all a roundabout way of saying that you should stop waiting until your flaws are overcome, or seeking someone who has overcome his flaws. God loves a decision-maker and He showers people of action with graces and blessings. To not act on your vocation while waiting for everything to be made right is to deny God the very process he created (i.e., vocation) to help us overcome what is negative about us and prepare us for Heaven. A very flawed person can have the capacity to offer his or her life as a "gift" to another in marriage and make the person happy, if that other person will accept them. That means it is possible for two heavily flawed people to have a happy life together simply by living the life of "gift" to each other, primarily through the gift of a forgiving heart when things are not going so well. Again, love and marriage can be very romantic and have all those wonderful feelings people hope to have. Some are very fortunate to have a marriage that is truly full of bliss most of the time. No marriage is without its problems. But some marriages do seem to have an exceptional degree of affection and romance, on top of the self-sacrificial actions of each. However, no one can ever "expect" that, nor should they ever feel they have a "right" to it. And it would be a horrible error for people to say that a marriage of two people who are so affectionate and romantically in love with each other is the "better" marriage. This is not a contest. And the salvation of individual souls is a very personal thing. Who can say that the person who is suffering in a loveless marriage is not really and truly married? God allows and gives to each what they can handle and what is good for them. A seemingly unhappy marriage could be just what was needed for those persons. So two people who live a married life in struggle but always displaying the love that comes in the form of forgiveness and compromise, even if the marriage has many problems, can have a truly blessed and beautiful marriage; not in the way the world says it should be, but certainly in the way God expects it to be. And yes, those persons can even be "happy" despite the problem-ridden marriage. I applaud you for recognizing that you have flaws and imperfections, and are considerate to not want to impose your imperfect self on another person. Too many people never consider their own flaws and imperfections yet want to find someone who has no problems and who will always make them happy. But your imperfect self is a perfect candidate for marriage; that wonderful institution that guarantees you will need to work on your faults and issues and imperfections as you work hard to live with another human being (and human beings once children come) and they with you. It is the living of marriage that exposes what is really wrong with us, and then demands we work on ourselves in order to best be of service in the vocation. And it is the accepting of another person’s faults for a lifetime that helps us grow in virtue and holiness. Those called to marriage have a unique opportunity to live charity and love, and also confront themselves at every level. Too often people believe another person is the "wrong" person because of reasons that have more to do with personal preference than capacity to make a good spouse. Yes, everyone wants to meet someone who melts their heart and excites their every emotion. But that is NOT a requirement for a good marriage. There is nothing wrong with a person trying to find an ideal, but at some point the person has to say that perhaps the ideal is not for them and they have to have a more practical approach to being open to someone. Does that mean marry someone you don't love? No! Love is a requirement. But again, too many have a false sense of love. They think, "Is this person making me happy?" instead of starting by saying, "Is this a person I can make happy?" So don't let your flaws cause you to shy away from being open to acting on marriage. Your flaws are the path to sanctity for the fortunate man who will marry you. If he is smart, he will know how flawed he is and be honored that you are willing to love him despite them, and he will love you, flaws and all. Work on your flaws. But I guarantee you there are more flaws you don't even know about that will not show themselves until you are living marriage. And such is the life of marital love: two people always growing, always changing, always having to deal with new challenges of each other. Flaws and failures in marriage ensure that each person remains humble and dependent on God, lest they believe this other person is the first love of their life instead the God who created us to love. So many love to quote St. Augustine, and for good reason: "Our hearts were made for Thee, O God, and they will not rest until they rest in Thee." I am praying for you every day. Yours in Christ, Anthony
Ann Hanincik: Communicating Man-to-Man
Feb 4, 2009 / 00:00 amAnthony interviews Ann Hanincik about communication between men.
Ann Hanincik: What Is Theology of the Body?
Jan 28, 2009 / 00:00 amAnthony interviews Ann Hanincik about Theology of the Body.
Ann Hanincik: The Importance of Marriage Preparation
Jan 25, 2009 / 00:00 amAnthony interviews Ann Hanincik about the different aspects of marriage preparation.
Ann Hanincik: Understanding Theology of the Body
Jan 21, 2009 / 00:00 amAnthony interviews Ann Hanincik about understanding Theology of the Body.
Ann Hanincik: Men Communicating with Each Other
Jan 18, 2009 / 00:00 amAnthony interviews Ann Hanincik about men communicating with each other.
Remembering Fr. Richard John Neuhaus
Jan 14, 2009 / 00:00 amI was sad to learn of the death of Fr. Richard John Neuhaus, who is modern Hero of Faith to me. His influences are too numerous than anyone can really know. I admired his focus, his clear thinking, his desire help people bring Christ into public life, and his complete, all-consuming life of faith. I also admired that he never sought to be personally in the public eye. That explains why there is so little video or audio footage of him being interviewed. I was so very fortunate to have the honor of interviewing him for the upcoming second season of "Road To Cana". His agreeing to do the interview at all was what I consider a "miracle", because I was told that he does not do interviews and does not have the time. As I was writing the outline for the next programs for "Road To Cana", I was making my list of people to try to get for interviews. Fr. Neuhaus was at the top of the list. Of course, I knew it was likely he would not do it. But I decided to try. I emailed the "First Things" office and requested the interview. The first response from the office said that the message would be forwarded to him but I was warned that he would probably turn it down. The next day, I received an email from the office saying, "Father wants to know what is this about." I replied with a full description of what the "Road To Cana" apostolate is and the program series the interviews would be used for. The next day, I received an email saying, "Father has agreed to do the interview." We then set the date, and in October 2007, my crew and I made the challenging trek into New York City, parking in a garage, and hauling all our equipment up to the "First Things" offices. That was the first time I actually met Fr. Neuhaus in person. He was cordial, welcoming, warm, and genuinely happy to be doing the interview for what he said was a "noble purpose". I learned that day how much of a heart he had for marriage and the needs of people approaching marriage. As we met him in his office, with a desk piled with work, he came out from around his desk and proceeded to give me two uninterrupted hours of his time to interview him on subjects related to marriage and formation for marriage. It was a highlight of my life to meet a hero of mine, and certainly a hero of the Church, and a day I will never forget. He looked so young for his age and struck me as someone who could easily go on for another 20 or 30 years. I was looking forward to finishing the series and sending him a copy. Post-production issues have delayed the project as we are just now finally finishing it. But getting Fr. Neuhaus a copy is not to be. God has His reasons for taking him at this particular time when there is such need of people like him. Now, it is for us to rejoice in the time we had Fr. Neuhaus and all this great man of God and soldier of Christ has accomplished, and the legacy of works we can refer to. I am personally blessed to have my interviews with Fr. Richard John Neuhaus to share with everyone. The following are direct links to those interviews for easy reference. Enjoy, and may the Holy Spirit inspire you through these interviews.
Ann Hanincik: Community and Marriage
Jan 11, 2009 / 00:00 amAnthony interviews Ann Hanincik about community and marriage.
Feeling alone again this Christmas?
Jan 1, 2009 / 00:00 amChristmas is an emotional time of year. Everything in normal life gets transformed by the spirit of Christmas. Decorations go up in houses, offices, even whole towns and cities. Music with Christmas themes dominates the radio. People for the most part seem to be in the spirit of Christmas. Kids are full of excitement. It's just a time of year that you can't help realizing there is something different to take notice of and that it must be more important than other times of year. All of us have memories that just flood to the forefront of our minds and hearts of Christmases past that cause us to have emotional experiences unique only to Christmas time, especially when it comes to family. For Christians, of course, it is even more emotional (or it should be) because it is a time of focus on the birth of the Savior of the world, and the experiences of the very religious aspects of Christmas (i.e., liturgies, choirs, carols, almsgiving, etc.) are central and unifying. In my house right now, all seven of our children are anxiously anticipating Christmas day and the presents they will receive. Parents are excited for children at Christmas. It really is a magical time. They are fully aware of the central meaning of Christmas being the focus on the coming of our Savior on Christmas morning. But they are also caught up in all the other exciting things that surround Christmas. There is so much joy in them, and so many wonderful emotions that will last a lifetime for them. Christmas time, however, can also be a time of mixed emotions, and even negative feelings. It's frustrating, for example, to have so many distractions from the true focus of Christmas, or to have stress over all that is happening or that we want to do during this time of year. It can cause a person to just want the whole thing over with so they can get some peace and quiet back in their lives. It can also make us forget about our duty to service of others, especially the poor to whom we are to reach out in a special way at Christmas time. It's quite an irony, since Christmas is a feast of peace and love. It is the challenge of all Christians to insure that the meaning of Christmas is lived, our peace is not lost, and we radically step outside of ourselves in order to give to others and share ourselves. But my main point in writing is to acknowledge the unique challenges of Christmas time for those who are single and desire to be married. For some unmarried people, Christmas can be a harsh reminder of what they do not have but desire to have so much; namely, a person they love to share this special season with, and the rest of their lives with. Some have a harder time than others. It can be difficult, for example, not to have some stirring of envy when seeing brothers and/or sisters and their children. It can be a mixed experience of great joy to be with them all and hurt because of the longing to have a family of their own. Those who go through these kinds of mixed emotions have no need of being told that it is wrong or what it is they have to do or should be really feeling. But it is still real, and very few can understand it. Therefore, they do not have anyone to really talk to about it without being interpreted negatively. I think it is important that unmarried persons who are going through these mixed emotions at Christmas time understand that it fine to have these feelings, and it is not a sign that you are unappreciative or any such thing you can think of to accuse yourself. You are right to desire to have your own family and share that kind of love. As long as you don't allow these feelings to take a turn toward depression and get to a point where you actually "dread" Christmas, it is fine to recognize the longing you have and the hurt you feel. I know in my own life, while I was single, as much as I loved Christmas and enjoyed Christmas time as a single adult, I remember those pangs for what I believed was still missing. They were primarily feelings of "longing": longing for a life in marriage I believed I was meant for, and how many Christmases would go by before I would have that. It just can't be helped to have these feelings lurking around. But they must be put in their proper place. In fact, it might be that your interpretation of them is all wrong. I believe a big key to helping with this is to have a strong commitment to the Advent season and consider all that Advent means. It's a time of preparation. We prepare twofold for the coming of the Lord: both in commemoration of His already coming 2000 years ago in the stable of Bethlehem, and His coming again in glory at the end of time. How do we prepare? We wait in joyful hope. Hope! That is the attitude of the Advent season; that is the attitude of life. Hope is one of the three evangelical counsels, which are faith, hope, and love. Without hope, there is no living this life. We wait in joyful hope for the coming of the Lord. There is always "hope". I often tell my kids in the morning on our drive to school to look up and check to see if Jesus is coming. They look anxiously around the skies. He is not there. "That's okay," I tell them. "We will just keep hoping he will come soon and we will keep checking." But most of all, we are to keep living our lives as if he is coming tomorrow. Our lives are a preparation, just as Advent is a time of preparation. We live in faith, in hope, in love. Faith, by believing in Jesus Christ and His Church and living those beliefs every day as if today is our last day. Hope, by trusting in God to provide for our every need and fulfilling His will for us by maintaining constant trust. Love, by making our very lives a gift to others in service to the Lord. Our vocation to marriage is a preparation. We wait in joyful hope for the coming of our future spouse. For some, that longing and that hope will not be fulfilled in this life. But it does not mean for an instant that we should stop preparing or despair. To give up hope would be to stop preparing and stop longing. The Advent for our vocation would end, and make it impossible for there to be a "day of arrival" that fulfills our longing. The Lord may send someone along and there will be no oil in the lamp. The preparation had ended, and the guest has left. It would be a sin to give up on the Advent of our vocation. Even should a marriage never actually happen, the preparation time is not in vain, and the longing and hope are not without satisfaction. For when we depart from this world, we will be greeted by One who is the true Bridegroom Who will invite us inside to the wedding feast we were made by God to partake in. And we will be perfectly happy and live love to the fullest. So have those mixed emotions this Christmas. It's okay, and it's natural. That also goes for anyone who is married, but is perhaps unhappy or does not have the marriage they feel they should. Those mixed emotions are gifts from God. May they humble you so you realize that your help is in the name of the Lord in all things, and that He is your hope. May that hope in the Lord strengthen your hope that love and happiness in the vocation of marriage is still possible and can happen, but should it not, your happiness is complete in service of the Lord. This life is an Advent in preparation for eternity. Christmas is the marriage of God and man when the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. May this marriage dwell within your hearts and permeate your lives with great joy and peace, and may you never feel alone again. Merry Christmas and a blessed life of preparation to you all.
Fr. Neuhaus: Those Who Come from Divorce
Dec 17, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Fr. Richard John Neuhaus about the effects that divorce can have on one's future.
Ann Hanincik: Dating with a Purpose
Dec 14, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Ann Hanincik about dating with a purpose.
Ann Hanincik: Premarital Cohabitation and Communication
Dec 10, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Ann Hanincik about how living together before marriage can hurt communication, which is vital in any relationship.
Fr. Neuhaus: Taking Responsibility for Our Actions
Dec 3, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Fr. Richard John Neuhaus about taking responsibility for our actions.
Fr. Neuhaus: How to Sustain a Marriage
Nov 30, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Fr. Richard John Neuhaus about how to sustain a marriage.
Should I enroll in college while looking for a husband?
Nov 26, 2008 / 00:00 amDear Anthony, I'm 18 and unlike many others my age, I want to marry and be a stay-at-home mom. I'm wondering if attending college while looking for my future husband would be a good idea. What are your thoughts? I'm also considering joining Ave Maria Singles. It is perfectly fine to attend college while being seriously open to meeting your future spouse. Education can only help, not hurt. Attending college also helps you become more interesting. Also, traditionally, college is a prime place that a young person actually meets their future spouse. I am told that back in the day, it was a main reason a woman went to college (to meet a husband). Though times have changed and women attend college for many other good reasons, being open to meeting someone while in college is highly recommended. Of course, make sure it is a good Catholic boy (especially if you are attending a non-Catholic college). What college you attend does make a difference regarding your opportunities to meet strong, devout Catholic men. You definitely don't want to lose your Catholic faith if you are easily influenced by your peers and you attend a college where you could not find support for your Catholic faith nor anyone else to grow in it with. So by all means, do NOT avoid college just because you know you want to be married. But choose a good Catholic college if you want to increase your chances of meeting a good man. Obviously, you can also meet good Catholic men without going to college. It is perfectly plausible to dedicate your time to working and making yourself available for dating men, falling in love, and getting married. My wife did not attend college. She absolutely always wanted to be married, a wife and mother, and took this approach of working and being available full-time to date. It has its advantages. I think the key, whether you are going to college or not, is to be available and make it a strategy to be available to meet your future spouse. Too many young people don't make themselves "open" during their 20s, and college just passes them by without their realizing they just blew a key opportunity to meet their future spouse, or their 20s just blow by and they were not open enough to allow love to find them. So it really has to be a priority to be "open", and work at being open (if need be, since it does not come naturally to some). Regardless of how you decide about college, if you are ready for marriage and desire to make that commitment at this point in your life, by all means join our site and be open. Once you join, you may be contacted by older men. Just remember that you are anonymous until you give out your personal information. So don't feel the least bit put out if you have to tell a member you are not interested (we have a "Not Interested" button that helps make it easier). Everyone on the site is actively seeking to meet the right person, so it makes sense you will run into some who are NOT the right person. Don't take anything personally, either. This is a process and God is right there with you. Just be open to meeting someone wherever he is, persevere, have patience, and keep active. These are the keys to success. God will do the rest.
Fr. Groeschel: Being Open to Change
Nov 23, 2008 / 00:00 amAnthony interviewed Fr. Benedict Groeschel about how everyone can change for the better.