How to accompany cancer patients? Four experts propose some ways

Lima Newsroom, Nov 9, 2024 / 07:00 am

“You have cancer.” These brief but shocking words stir up many feelings in a patient and those around him or her, including the fear of death.

Fighting cancer is not easy and many don’t know what to do in such a situation, beyond good intentions and some intuition.

Four experts on the subject have some practical tools to provide support to those suffering from this disease, which in 2022 claimed the lives of 1.4 million people out of a total of 4.2 million cases in the Americas alone, according to the Pan American Health Organization (PAHO).

Empathy, a key to dealing with cancer

“The first thing to do for a person who has cancer is to have a lot of empathy, because this disease is not a simple thing,” Yvo Luren Fernández Montoro told ACI Prensa, CNA’s Spanish-language news partner. 

Fernández is a psycho-oncologist and psychotherapist with 23 years of experience, seven of which he has worked at the National Institute of Neoplastic Diseases, the most specialized health facility on the subject in Peru, which receives thousands of patients each year.

“Empathy involves recognizing and understanding that the person, before receiving the cancer diagnosis, is already feeling anxious, because the patient is facing something hard that no one wants to face,” continued the specialist, who suffered the death of his father due to cancer in 2019.

Fernández noted that this is so because “cancer is closely associated with death.”

“Although today the relationship is not so close,” because there is a lot of scientific progress that allows for better treatment, he said, but “just hearing about the possibility that you’re suffering from the disease already gets you thinking about death.”

“We must remind those who are ill of two essential things: They have cancer, but they have life and, as long as there is life, there are things that can be done. And as long as there are things that can be done, there are options to give meaning to life and to have meaning in life,” he said.

“A person must face cancer with their abilities, either emotionally or by seeking solutions based on opportunities. And this must be prioritized,” Fernández said.

According to PAHO, the most frequently diagnosed types of cancer in men in the Americas are prostate (8.6%), lung (11.7%), colorectal (10.2%), and bladder (5.9%). In women, the most frequent types are breast (30.7%), lung (10.3%), colorectal (9.6%), and uterine corpus (6.4%).

With cancer, the whole family ‘feels ill’

Father Mateo Bautista García, a Spanish Camillian priest who is also a nurse with a doctorate in the theology of health care ministry, explained that “like any illness, cancer raises many fears and questions, also on a spiritual level.”

“First of all, cancer is synonymous with death for many people. For children and young people it’s heartbreaking. With cancer, the whole family ‘feels ill,’” he said.

For this reason, “every person affected by this disease must have a mentor, be accompanied on an ongoing basis by one or more qualified, close, and empathetic persons” from “the beginning to the end of the process, in all dimensions of the person: physical, emotional, mental, relational, value-based, and spiritual,” explained the priest, who is also known for his more than 160 blood donations.

Family support is ‘fundamental’

For Dr. Diego Díaz Bravo, a doctor in the gynecologic oncology department at Edgardo Rebagliati National Hospital, the largest in Peru, said “the presence of the family is fundamental at all times, even when the patient himself says he wants to handle or manage the situation alone.”

The family, Díaz pointed out, not only accompanies but also helps to manage and process the information, as well as provides necessary psychological help, collaborating with the “spirit of overcoming the disease. The family normally expresses affection and interest in accompanying the cancer patient in such a difficult time like this.”

‘Giving thanks, asking forgiveness, saying I love you, and goodbye’

Ingrid Oullón Henao is a nurse specializing in palliative care and is the director of Acompañándote (“Accompanying You”) in Medellín, Colombia, an initiative that has been offering therapeutic support to patients and their families for 10 years. 

Oullón explained to ACI Prensa that “family and friends are the main support network, vital for the process of people with terminal illness.” This support circle helps the cancer patient “satisfy spiritual needs such as being recognized as a person, putting your life in order, having hope, expressing religious feelings, experiencing forgiveness, recognizing life in the hereafter, evaluating your life, and experiencing love.”

Regarding the specific ways in which cancer patients can be supported, the specialist mentioned the following: “Being present and available; listening in a special, loving, patient, and attentive way, respecting silent moments; having compassion; referring to specialists in a timely manner; offering help with everyday tasks; allowing the person to cry and express his or her feelings,” and, finally, “saying thank you, asking for forgiveness, saying I love you, and saying goodbye.”

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The place of God

Psychotherapist Fernández highlighted that “faith is a very important factor. Spirituality also enables seeking out solutions. Not all people have it, but many could seek a higher being or God.”

The expert psychologist, who has been a member of the Brotherhood of the Lord of Miracles for more than 20 years, said that “with agnostics and atheists, we must respect their position, but when there is faith in God, that helps a lot because it provides comfort, hope, and motivation.”

“The Lord of the Miracles” is an image of the crucified Christ especially venerated in Peru with an annual outdoor procession. 

Oullón emphasized that “for those of us who believe that we are beings created by God, eternal and immortal,” it’s also good to keep in mind that after death, if we have lived well, the Lord awaits “to continue with our process of spiritual transcendence,” and “this belief fills us with hope!” 

In addition, and as a very important factor, the Catholic Church offers, among her seven sacraments, the anointing of the sick, which has the purpose of “conferring a special grace on the Christian who experiences the difficulties inherent to the condition of grave illness or old age,” according to No. 1527 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

“Each time a Christian falls seriously ill, he may receive the anointing of the sick, and also when, after he has received it, the illness worsens,” the catechism states in No. 1529, and in No. 1530 stipulates that “only a priest or bishop can administer this sacrament” since this entails the forgiveness of the sins of the sick person.

How to prevent cancer?

Díaz said that one should have an appointment for a cancer checkup at least once a year, especially after the age of 40, when men are more likely to suffer from prostate cancer and women from breast or ovarian cancer.

If a good follow-up has been carried out and the family history and that of other people who have suffered from the disease have been taken into account, then “a timely and early diagnosis will be possible, which translates into better survival rates,” he explained.

Prostate and gastrointestinal screening in men, and mammograms and pap smears in women are recommended for this purpose, the oncologist noted.

“Finally, it’s important for each family to plan on having an annual preventive checkup, since it will allow for timely diagnoses and less radical treatments,” the expert concluded.

It’s not easy to fight cancer, and it’s not a task that anyone wants to deal with either, but these tools can help those who face this situation and encourage the sick, who are always in the heart of the Lord.

“To those of you who experience illness, whether temporary or chronic, I would say this: Do not be ashamed of your longing for closeness and tenderness! Do not conceal it, and never think that you are a burden on others. The condition of the sick urges all of us to step back from the hectic pace of our lives in order to rediscover ourselves,” said Pope Francis in his message for the 2024 World Day of the Sick.

In summary, here are seven practical ways you can help a cancer patient:

1. Practice empathy. Recognize the patient’s suffering and anxiety, understand his or her experience, and show compassion. Remind the patient that, although he has cancer, he also has life, and look for ways to give meaning to this stage.

2. Provide constant emotional support. Make sure the patient feels accompanied, from diagnosis to the end of the process. Involve the family, so that they are close and offer emotional and spiritual support.

3. Maintain a strong support system. Family and friends are essential for the emotional stability of the patient. They help process the situation and encourage the patient to keep up his spirits and hope.

4. Allow feelings to be expressed. Be present to listen without judging, be patient and allow the patient to express himself, even in moments of silence. Let the person feel free to cry and talk about his or her fears and feelings.

5. Express gratitude and reconciliation. Encourage the patient to say “thank you,” “sorry,” “I love you,” and “goodbye” when there is a need, helping the person find inner peace.

6. Provide support based on spiritual beliefs. Faith and spirituality can be sources of comfort and hope. For patients who are believers, prayer, the anointing of the sick, and spiritual guidance can be a great support.

7. Provide support with practical tasks. Offer help with daily activities that may be difficult for the patient, such as paperwork, getting around, or even household chores.

This story was first published by ACI Prensa, CNA’s Spanish-language news partner. It has been translated and adapted by CNA.