Catholic women discuss the challenges of modern dating culture 

CNA Staff, Aug 12, 2024 / 16:50 pm

As the marriage rate continues to decline in 2024 in the U.S., Catholic women discussed the struggles of modern dating in a segment on “EWTN News In Depth.” 

“I didn’t expect to be single into my 40s. That was not my plan,” said Anastasia Northrop, a Catholic woman who founded the National Catholic Singles Conference.

A quarter of 40-year-olds in the U.S. had never been married, Pew Research found in 2021. 

Meanwhile, the Catholic marriage rate has plummeted by about 70% between 1969 and 2019, according to a recent report from Georgetown University’s Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate.

There are just over six marriages for every 1,000 people in the United States, compared with a record 16.4 in 1946 after World War II, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics.

Amid the difficult dating situation, a resurfaced comment Republican candidate for vice president J.D. Vance made in 2021 about “childless cat ladies” sparked an outcry from single women who feel they aren’t to blame for their unmarried status.

“We’re effectively run, in this country, via the Democrats, via our corporate oligarchs, by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made, and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too,” Vance had said on an appearance on Fox News with Tucker Carlson, where he suggested that politicians without kids have less of a stake in the country’s future.

“If we’re not pursued, then there’s not a lot we can do,” said Sara Perla, the communications manager for the Catholic Project at The Catholic University of America, in response to “the whole childless cat lady thing.”

“It’s interesting that women are blamed for the situation in a way that I think is very unfair because we still want to be pursued,” Perla explained.

Hundreds of people attended a panel on the challenges of modern dating hosted by the Catholic Project at the recent National Eucharistic Congress in Indianapolis.

“I did a survey both before and after [the panel], and the No. 1 challenge that the single people were complaining of is just meeting someone,” Perla said. “You can’t just be Catholic. I can’t just meet a Catholic guy. I have to meet a Catholic guy who is interesting and who is interested in me.” 

Perla says one of the greatest challenges to Catholic dating today is finding someone who is both a well-formed Catholic and someone you can connect with — it’s not just about having the same religious beliefs.

“It’s a mistake that some people make when they try to set people up and they say, ‘Oh, he’s Catholic,’” said Perla, who is a single Catholic woman in her early 40s. “And you’re like, that doesn’t tell me much at all. Is he funny? Does he have interests? Does he do anything outside of reading theology? Because if not, then we’re not going to have anything to talk about.” 

Northrop founded the National Catholic Singles Conference to encourage formation and community among single Catholics. 

“We’re called to communion, we’re called to fellowship, and we don’t live our faith on our own or in a vacuum,” she said. “Especially as single people that don’t have that built-in family community, having relationships and friendships is very important.”

The 23rd National Catholic Singles Conference is happening Aug. 16–18, in Las Vegas, with participants gathering from more than 35 states, three Canadian provinces, and elsewhere. Registration is still open and a virtual option is available for those who can’t attend in person.

Both Northrop and Perla encouraged local Catholic parishes to be more intentional in including unmarried Catholics and fostering community among singles.