Both Oars In Life Ironic

Oct 1, 2010

The free-associating mind finds irony almost everywhere. I have one of those minds. Things pass through my head on two routes simultaneously, never just one. Even the most concrete of inputs undergoes consideration for contextual incongruities or double meanings. This may result in some confusion or the delay of more relevant thoughts, but it certainly makes life more interesting.

For instance, most people probably can walk into an airport bathroom and read the sign “Wash your hands. Prevent the spread of germs.” without thinking anything more than, “Oh, I should wash my hands.”  Not me.  I think to myself, “How ironic. I wonder how many germs are on that sign.” 

Think about it. Ten thousand men have been through the place—and not one was afraid of his wife or mother checking up to see if he left the place a mess.  There are six toilets, 4 open urinals, six sinks, a dozen knobs, and one little ominous sign promoting the prevention of germ spreading. Is washing your hands going to work?

Seriously, you would have to enter wearing one of those sealed-toxic-waste-handling suits to walk out of an airport bathroom with fewer germs than you walked in with. Of course, you would also have to disrobe walking down one those plastic tunnels with the water, disinfectant and ultraviolet rays pouring all over, too.  Since the sides of these—at least in the movies—are usually translucent, this is going to be a bit more embarrassing than a muted body scan.

I recently experienced another moment of irony in an airport.  While waiting to check in with Alaska Airlines in the Sea-Tac International Airport, I was treated to several passes of the public announcement loop. I specifically made note of one part of the pleasantly voiced message.  I think I have this right: “The Sea-Tac Port Authority would like to remind you that the police and fire department are here to serve you.” You don’t say!

Being a Midwesterner, I wondered to myself, “Do people actually have to be reminded that the police and fire department are here to help them?” Then again, the worst thing that has ever happened to me at the hands of a fireman was chomping down on a hidden pit in a cherry pie I purchased at a firemen’s social. Having never rioted in the streets of Seattle, my only point of reference for the police and fire department is “help,” not a power shower and tear gas.  On deeper reflection, I can understand the need for the reminder in the great Northwest.       

Not all contradictions are humorous. I was recently jolted by Ambassador Rice’s comment ahead of President Obama’s speech before the United Nations. She said, "This year's visit to the U.N. General Assembly comes as we have successfully and dramatically changed our course at the United Nations. We've ended needless American isolation."  I am sure she is speaking of certain “go it alone” actions of the past; however, her phraseology is a bit confusing.  It is difficult to understand how a nation involved in two wars and currently openly confronting Iran’s nuclear pursuits could ever be described as practicing needless isolation. In fact, maybe we could use a tad of isolationism while we reenergize. A burnt candle cannot give much light.

Irony can even be sad. At his star attended global conference last week, Mr. Clinton stated, “It sent chills up in my spine that we were talking about actually stoning a woman to death in the 21st century.”  I agree. It is extremely troubling that with all the global communication and trade connections, there are still parts of the world sufficiently out of the reach of common decency that a woman could be stoned.  It is deplorable. It is gravely wrong.

It also is sadly ironic that Mr. Clinton, who caused probably the most notable public humiliation of a woman in the 20th century, made this comment. His cleverly constructed denial and the public questioning of Monica Lewinsky’s honesty and sanity that it generated produced a very sad moment in her life and our history. Nobody died, thank God, but it was still a public humiliation of a severe sort. Words, indeed, are not sticks or stones, but they still hurt, especially when thrown publicly. Bygones are bygones, but to forgive is not to forget.

In the future, Mr. Clinton may want to adopt a more Pauline approach to his discourse. Paul was excellent at using irony to his advantage.  Before extolling an early Christian community to better living, Paul would increase the authenticity of what followed by first admitting he was once a persecutor of what he now advocated. The contextualization had a powerful effect.    

Here is a last bit of irony. I have nothing more to say.

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