Catholic & Single For Lent: Give Up the Pornography Mentality

Mar 10, 2010

Lent is a time of abstaining from what we really do not need, or what we enjoy but can do without for a time. But for the serious Christian, Lent should also be that wonderful time of year when can work on breaking bad habits once and for all, by God’s grace. That requires facing ourselves honestly and confronting the things that are not easy to admit are bad habits.

It’s never too late, and there is plenty of Lent remaining. So in that spirit, I would like to make a suggestion of something to consider giving up for the rest of this Lent and beyond. Instead of an object (like TV, food item, etc.), how about an attitude? Specifically, consider giving up any aspect of a pornographic mentality.

Perhaps you are reading this and saying, “He cannot be talking to me, I am not involved with pornography.” If you are saying that to yourself, you are assuming I mean pornography in the popular sense, which I will not get into here, but has to do with actually “engaging” in the sexually related objectification of a member of the opposite sex for the purpose of self-pleasure, without the intent of including the person in your experience. This popular sense of pornography typically has to do with nudity. I am not referring to this kind of pornography (though I would hope any person involved with pornography at that level should be giving it up immediately and never looking back).

What I am suggesting is making a conscious effort to change your attitude about the things you experience through the use of sight, whether voluntarily, accidentally, or incidentally. Society is becoming increasingly accepting of pornographic imagery in everyday public life. It comes at us involuntarily in the people, places, and things we have to encounter daily. And because much of it is not actually nudity (which could arguably be what constitutes the technical definition of pornography), it is no doubt a more subtle level of pornography since it has the same purpose of pornography as its motive.

Because the bodies of these women and men (but mostly women) have some piece of clothing on, and are not completely naked, they are considered available for the public’s visual consumption. This publicly accepted objectification of the body is called many things, but not typically “soft pornography.” Yet that is exactly what it is. Soft porn!

So there is a pornographic mentality circulating in everyday society that is purposely trying to win our favor and acceptance. It seems to slowly but surely get worse, and more ubiquitous.

Morally conscious people don’t like what is happening, but I am concerned that we are not doing all that is necessary to combat this to ensure it does not sneak into our being, and participate in who we are and become. I believe we have to be humble enough to realize we are all susceptible to the snares of this very dangerous perpetrator.

We need to do three significant things. The first thing we must do is call it what it is, and not follow along with the rest of society and label it as something else. A woman posing sensually in a billboard or a retail-store poster is passed off as just an advertisement. But it is soft pornography. You have to tell yourself that so it is identified for what it is.

The second thing seems kind of childish, but nevertheless it is an absolute must. We have to protect our eyes from seeing any of this. How dangerous it is (and prideful) to think our eyes can handle this kind of intake. The woman in the ad posing sensually is trying to make women think they should buy that perfume and they will look like that woman. And this kind of image of a woman will have an effect on a man who looks at it for any length of time and often. It is true that our eyes are the windows to the soul. And everything that goes in through our eyes remains. Men have to turn away quickly, not double take or prolong the look. As often as they entertain these images with their eyes, the worse they will get in regard to women without their even realizing it.

It is very common to justify it as being something else. Consequently, we let down our guard little by little, making these images more available to us than they would have been if we were determined to identify them for what they are and take proper actions to make sure we do not experience them with our eyes.

The third thing that is a must is to help others realize what they are looking at and encourage them to protect their eyes. As we do that, we continue to help ourselves be more convinced of the reality and the practice of protecting our own eyes.

Movies, magazines, billboards, store displays, advertisements, television programs, and even the way women are dressing — these are all in everyday public life, not isolated in some specific part of town in windowless, purple buildings. My goodness, it is piped into our homes, ready for easy access. I go to check my Yahoo email and there are giant ads that have a woman in lingerie.

So regardless of our intent to remain pure and not voluntarily engage in impure images, there seems to be no escape from having to confront them involuntarily. Therefore, we must make a heroic effort to turn away, and not presume we can handle these images or not be affected by them. Don’t accept these images! Reject them. Avoid them ahead of time if you can. If they come upon you unexpectedly, close your eyes, shade your eyes, turn and walk the other way, turn the movie off, put the magazine down, etc. Do what you have to do.

This Lent, give up the prolonged looking at the soft pornography that is publicly provided to you. Work on identifying the pornography mentality and tell yourself what it really is, instead of justifying it as being something else. Practice this, and adopt it permanently, long after Lent is over.

To conclude, since we are on this topic, I want to give the men something additional to consider. Do you have the habit of staring at a woman as she walks by? I don’t mean admiring a woman with an openness of wanting to get to know her. And I don’t mean noticing a woman for a moment in passing. I am speaking of prolonged looking or double taking to stare at a women’s entire body or certain body parts. Consider that this could be an indication that you may have allowed the pornographic mentality permeating society to influence your behavior and disrupt your purity. Catch yourself doing it and ask yourself why you do it and what is the purpose. Ask yourself if you are a man who objectifies women for personal pleasure. Consider working on breaking this habit and purifying your intentions with the real women you encounter in your daily life. They will be grateful and you will be a better Christian man for it.

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