Catholic & Single Remember Death

Feb 13, 2008

Just got back from Mass and receiving ashes for Ash Wednesday to start another Lenten season. Today is a special reminder to us from the Church that we are not only going to die one day, but that life is very short and that this body of ours is going to end up back to dust.

Those who have heard my talks know that I often like to say to single Catholics something like, “You will all be dead soon, so you had better get on with it sooner rather than later.” Of course, I am talking about the vocation to marriage. Some say it is more complicated than that. I wonder.

I am 42 years old and was married when I was 28. Bridget and I have been through a great deal together, and have grown as individuals through our love for each other. There have been many very hard times, which are times when you wonder how anyone without God to answer to can get through. We have 7 children, and have also had 4 miscarriages. Our first child was diagnosed with autism at age 2. Many things in our life are going not as we expected, but completely as they should be. We are very blessed.

Every day, I consider that I will be dead very soon, and it is a great help for my vocation to marriage. It helped me get into marriage in the first place, and it helps me to be strong in my marriage. It is so very obvious to me that my salvation is being worked out through marriage via my relationship with my wife and the raising of my children. I have come a long way, but still have a long way to go. But the accountability and responsibility in marriage keep me focused and on the right path.

I am 42 years old and still in love with my wife, believe marriage is permanent, and rely on God’s grace to fulfill my duties in marriage and build up the persons entrusted to me by God, even when I don’t feel like doing it. I am well on my way to being ready to meet God when I am dead. And I have marriage to thank for that. I can remember the kind of person I was before I was married, and all the moments in marriage along the way when I was required to renounce certain aspects of that pre-marriage person. Marriage has made me a better person.

I am 42 years old and have so many blessings. Perhaps I have 20 or 30 good years left; who knows? God knows! But I wake up every day knowing exactly what I need to do to fulfill God’s will for me, and that brings me a tremendous peace. If I die today, however, I have done a lot for the marriage vocation I have been called to, and the purposes of marriage that God intended.

I work with many, many single Catholic men and women. Many of them believe they have time for marriage whenever it happens, or are content to wait for God to do something that will move them toward marriage. Men especially seem to be in no real rush, and still trying to figure things out, as if marriage is about having your act totally together before you can take the plunge. That, of course, is nonsense. It is in marriage that things come together, not before. Sadly, many give in to sex before marriage, as if they have a right to enjoy their sexual impulses that are God-given (and they are) while maintaining an excuse for not being married yet (where sexual activity is only permitted by God). It’s hypocrisy to say, “I gave in to weakness and had sex” and then say, “I don’t know if I am ready for marriage” or “I am not sure if this is the right person.” Biblically, the act of intercourse is marriage. But how sad it is that even Catholics do this, while thinking so little of marriage and the right that future spouse has to their spouse’s body and sexuality.

Though many give the outward appearance of being content to wait on the Lord, I know they are not happy. Not really. Yes, they love God and serve Christ and are good Catholics, and thank God there is so much more to eternity than this world can offer. And I guess, in a way, thank God we will be dead soon and have eternal happiness. But it does not have to be that way.

I am convinced that much of the problem of why marriages are not taking place today that should be taking place is because there is not enough meditation on the subject “Remember Death.” Death is coming. It’s coming soon. And what about quality of life even if you are not dead? You get to a certain age when you are still alive, but hardly able to do what you could do when younger. That’s a form of death. But let’s just call it “dying.” We are all slowly but surely dying.

There are wonderful, good, kind, loving Catholic men and women out there who will make good husbands and wives. They won’t be perfect, and they may not knock you off your feet in outward physical beauty (as the world seems to dictate should happen). But don’t be deceived. Marriage is about service. It’s about a calling we have to serve one person and the children that may come. And fulfilling that calling is the easy way to happiness in this life and excelling in growth in holiness. You don’t “need” what you think you need. You don’t “have to have” what you think you have to have. You really need only choose, then love with everything you have. In other words, allow yourself to love someone who is clearly a good and beautiful person. I’m not talking about a loveless relationship. I’m talking about being open to falling in love. So many are closed to perfectly good opportunities due to the triggers they have set up for themselves that need to pulled before they open up. It’s sad.

Precisely because you will be dead soon, if you really want marriage, then you need to get into it sooner rather than later. Men especially need to realize this. They do the choosing (the asking on dates, as well as proposing). You can’t be 45 or 50 years old (for example) and still be saying you have a marriage vocation, but still hanging around waiting for something to happen. And you certainly can’t keep using the same old excuses, especially that you haven’t found the right person yet. Well, have you looked around you? Are you really noticing those who have been put into your path?

Choose! You will be dead soon and God will ask you to give an account of your life. Don’t end up having to say to Him that He never sent you someone. He will simply say you did not notice the opportunities He sent you, nor did you act. God is all action. He loves the person of action because he made us that way, especially the man of action. There are women out there to take action with. And they are waiting for you, and ready to love you as you have never known before. There will be rejection, but it takes only one. You will suffer during the marriage in many ways you cannot know ahead of time. But the love you give and the peace that comes with knowing you are where God wants you to be is immeasurable. And God will bless you abundantly for the risk you took in faith.

Remember death! Remember it every day. It will serve you well when it comes to taking action in your life. God needs you right now while you are alive.

Have a very grace-filled Lent.

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