CNA Staff, Oct 7, 2024 / 07:00 am
Parental stress was cited as a public health challenge by U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, who noted in a Health and Human Services (HHS) advisory on the mental health and well-being of parents in late summer that parental stress is at an all-time high.
Forty-one percent of parents say that most days they are too stressed to function, while 48% of parents say their stress is “completely overwhelming,” according to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association 2023, which the HSS cited in its August advisory.
In contrast, only 26% of other adults mark that they are this stressed.
“Something has to change,” Murthy wrote in the forward of the U.S. surgeon general’s advisory. Supporting parents “will require us to rethink cultural norms around parenting.”
Catholic leaders and those who minister to parents and families have also noticed this trend and are striving to address the lack of community and the stress that parents too often face.
Catholic psychotherapist, author, and founding director of the Pastoral Solutions Institute Dr. Greg Popcak has noticed the crisis in his own work.
“Parents in general are lonely and isolated,” he told CNA. “They’re cut off from the support that was traditionally offered by their families of origin and they’re completely overscheduled. The modern family is characterized by choosing activity over intimacy, which makes everyone — parents and kids — grumpy, lonely, and stressed and miserable.”
Ever Johnson, who with her husband, Soren Johnson, directs Trinity House Community Groups, a Catholic resource designed to help parents build faith and community for their families, agrees.
“Families are overwhelmed often with both parents working and the demands of kids’ schooling and extracurriculars,” she told CNA. “Social media and the atrophy of faith-filled community further contributes to a sense of FOMO [fear of missiing out], anxiety, and stress.”
Catholic middle school teacher Anne Marie Di Geronimo has observed a similar phenomenon among parents she encounters in her work.
“We’re seeing some of the ill effects that the internet has wrought,” Di Geronimo said. “All of these trains have crashed for parents, many of whom feel stressed and put a lot of pressure on themselves to prepare their kids for what they see as a more challenging future than what I faced. It’s harder to get a good-paying job. It’s harder to get into a college than it used to be.”
Combating parental anxiety
Di Geronimo, who teaches at St. Anne School in San Francisco, assigns a once-a-month homework activity designed to help students be more independent and parents to feel more comfortable taking a step back.
The premise is simple: for homework, a student must try something new without the help of his or her parents (but with their permission). The result: parents can be less involved and kids can gain more independence and resilience.
“When parents can step back, then they can allow their kids to take these small, measured risks while they’re still at home with supervision and support, then the parents can do less for the kids, while the kids can do more at home,” Di Geronimo said. “These kinds of experiences really grow their confidence.”
Di Geronimo noted that parents sometimes “feel that they have to do so much to enrich, to teach, to prepare” their kids.
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“Sometimes it crosses over into enmeshment for parents, or doing too much,” she added.
The independence homework assignment is part of a program called Let Grow, which offers free educational materials that are designed to help students become more independent and therefore less anxious.
Lenore Skenazy, author of “Free Range Kids” and president of Let Grow, said that parents need to see their kids being independent just as much as the kids need to become independent.
It’s a “national program to rewire parents so that they’re less anxious, even as it’s rewiring kids so that they’re less anxious,” Skenazy told CNA.
“If you want parents to feel less burdened, more hopeful, more trusting, more relaxed, happier, and more filled with faith, they have to let go,” Skenazy said.
Let Grow also has “play club” programs designed to let kids play independently before and after school, with “a lifeguard” rather than a strict chaperone. “Independence and free play have been going down for a long time,” Skenazy explained.
“Less anxious parents will mean less anxious kids, and less anxious kids will mean less anxious parents,” she said.
Skenazy sees parents grow by practicing giving their kids more independence. She compares her program to exposure therapy.
“Letting your kid go in a culture that has told you that your kid is in constant danger is an act of bravery,” she said. “You’re getting out of your comfort zone, even as the kid is getting out of theirs. And then seeing the kid come back again, it’s like you’ve been through the fire and you’ve come out hardened, you’re stronger, and that feels great.”
Building support among Catholic parents
Catholic parents need more support than they are currently given by the Church, according to Popcak, who has noticed an uptick in parental stress in his work.
“We need to give parents clear guidance for building loving, joyful, faithful family lives,” Popcak said. “We need to help them recapture their quality of life as families.”
“We need to give them real hope that it’s possible to raise faithful kids in today’s world and we need to give them the support that’s necessary to pull this off,” he added.
Popcak recently founded a website and app designed to support Catholic parents through building community and offering resources designed to help parents keep their kids in the faith.
The app, CatholicHOM (Households on Mission) is designed to build community, help parents raise kids who stay Catholic, and enable parishes to run monthly parent support groups.
CatholicHOM’s main focus, Popcak said, is “building a community of support for Catholic parents and connecting them with our team of professional pastoral counselors and Catholic family life coaches so they can get daily support, encouragement, and resources they need to create joyful, loving, faithful Catholic family lives.”
“We’re giving parents a community where they share struggles and successes, get support, and grow together,” Popcak said.
Communion in the home
Trinity House Community Groups is another ministry designed to bolster the lives of parents and families. The organization offers family formation, fellowship, and materials to help parents pass their faith on to their children.
“We inspire Catholic parents with a vision for their domestic church or ‘Trinity House,’ a vision rooted in the Church’s teaching that the family is a communion of persons in the image of the Holy Trinity,” Soren Johnson told CNA.
Trinity House also helps parishes create local groups that invite parents and kids to gather.
“In addition to a vision and practical roadmap, today’s families need a community which can provide encouragement, fellowship, and accountability as they lead their children heavenwards,” Soren Johnson noted.
Each meeting follows the “Trinity House Model,” designed to build community as the group works through aspects of family life: faith life, relationships, household economy, family culture, and hospitality and service.
“Too often, the only all-family event at the local parish is the annual picnic,” he continued. “In addition to strong women’s groups, men’s groups, young adult groups, and others, parishes need to open up the parish hall for frequent opportunities for entire families to build community.”
In response to the stress crisis, Ever Johnson said that “we need to re-propose the Church’s beautiful vision for the family, rooted in the peace of the communion of the Holy Trinity, and lived out in practical ways such as the holy Sabbath, family meals, family prayer, and an immersive, beautiful, loving Catholic experience within the home.”
Hospitality for families
The California bishops are also taking steps to celebrate and support marriage and families.
In their recently launched “Radiate Love” initiative, designed to celebrate and support marriage and families, the bishops are encouraging their flocks to take steps to support families on the diocesan, parish, and family levels.
Molly Sheahan, associate director for Healthy Families for the California Catholic Conference, said that Catholic communities can take many steps to better support families, beginning at Mass.
“Acknowledging them in the prayers of the faithful or with a special blessing shows families that they’re seen and valued by their parish community,” she told CNA.
Sheahan also recommended that parishes “create opportunities for connection.”
“Intentional hospitality at church as a place outside of work or school where families are welcome goes a long way,” she noted. “Inviting families to the church picnic, family adoration, time at the park after Mass, or moms’ and dads’ groups both promotes family closeness and helps build community.”
In response to the initiative, California parishes and dioceses are building marriage ministries and family retreats and connecting with young adults to address their questions about dating and marriage, Sheahan said.
“Parishes are hosting skills-building workshops for married couples to help with things like communication, conflict resolution, active listening, and strengthening their relationship,” she added. “Others are hosting date nights with child care, or offering date night kits at home, to help couples reconnect and spend time together.”
Catholics in California are already feeling the effect.
“It’s renewing hope in our communities that marriage is good for people, for children, and for our Church,” Sheahan said.
